Anger is often one of the most distressing and misunderstood emotions, in no small part to the messages we receive as children and into adolescents that anger is something to be controlled and suppressed. In other words, messages can be received that anger is bad and if you're angry, you're bad. This doesn’t mean that being out of control with our anger can't lead to a great many challenges in our relationships, school and careers.

One way to explore anger is distinguishing between a response to a violation or threat as opposed to a defense to avoid other distressing feelings such as fear, shame or grief. Often anger is serving to protect us from feeling underlying emotions of sadness, powerlessness, shame and core wounds of feeling unworthy or rejected, among others.

Coping skills can be developed to increase awareness of anger and help identify the underlying need and introduce choice in our actions. By introducing compassionate mindfulness for what anger is trying to say or protect from, the relationship with anger can be shifted to better serve us. Cognitive exercises to explore the core beliefs/wounds and define the opposite beliefs that feel authentic and true can improve how anger is managed. Exploring the origin of those beliefs can provide the means to heal the inner child and develop a healthy relationship with anger as a protector.